The Blended Family Conundrum

Yours, mine, ours??


How do you adjust to being part of a blended family? I’ve heard all the various ways to bring families together when the children involved are exactly that…children! However, the scenario  when all the children are grown adults is quite another matter.

The Husband raised two children with his first wife while I raised four, largely by myself.

He divorced his first wife when his children were teenagers and then immediately married a woman who was childless. They never had a family together. She subsequently died an early death and after only a brief period of being single he married me.

My childrens’ father and I divorced when my youngest was 6, after having been separated since she was 4. I remained single until she was 26 at which time I married The Husband.

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How easy it is for The Husband to refer to all the grown kids as “our” kids and to the grandchildren collectively as “our” grandchildren. I’m having a much tougher time with that. I defer to him immediately when it comes to decisions or input regarding his two grown children and the grandchildren on his side. While I manage to share my grandchildren the majority of the time, I definitely recognize that I neither want nor welcome input from him when it’s something to do with one of my adult children and or the grandchildren on my side.

Is It A Basic Difference Between Men And Women?

Is that a difference between women and men? Or is it because I was single for a much longer time and grew accustomed to having my relationship with my kids and grandkids be only mine?

I don’t have a problem having my marriage be separate from my relationship with my kids. They all get along well when we are together at gatherings, but I don’t feel a need to push the agenda of “our” kids and I’m having some difficulty understanding his apparent need to push this “togetherness” agenda.

Had we gotten together when our combined children were younger then yes, I completely understand the need to work toward a united “parent” front. That was far from the case with us. On the rare occasions that all our adult children are together, they get along well. They all have very separate lives and The Husband’s two have a close relationship with each other and my four have close relationships with each other. I’m good with that.

What are your thoughts? Your experiences with marriage later in life and the blending (or not blending) of those families?


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